Monthly Business Revenue Report (October 2023)
How much money I made while eating dick and being a little activist
I wanna tell you all about how I decolonized the fuck out of my business this month.
First, let me share some facts:
I started my business from scratch on September 1, 2023 by retiring from the concept of coaching entirely. More on that on my last month’s business revenue report.
I made $692 in the month of September.
This month, I made $1,090.39. Here’s the breakdown:
$900 from a client renewal
$80 from a new annual Substack subscriber
$40.39 from five monthly subscribers
$65 from a peer support call
$5 from a peer support call
Lost nearly a thousand followers across LinkedIn and Instagram
What I did in October:
Talking only to people I am intrigued by.
Went on 2-3 dates each week, some with the same people, some with different people. Had sex with some of them. Rejected some of them.
Allowed myself to change my mind as many times as I wanted.
Talked only about the war on LinkedIn because that is the only thing I felt the urgent need to talk about
Reposted everything from LinkedIn on Instagram
Talked about whatever that came to mind on Instagram with no rhyme or reason other than the aching need to express whatever that felt true to me in the moment
Along the same lines, I wrote about whatever felt very important to me at the moment on Substack if it felt like there was nowhere else to put down all my thoughts
Decided to be willing to disappoint people I loved and was willing to be disappointed by other humans as well
Some questions (and some answers) that came up for me over and over again:
What am I ashamed of, and how is that telling me about rules that I was never supposed to follow?
I was ashamed of my desires because I made it mean that I am a shameful person for wanting things that we don’t really talk about. That was telling me that I was following rules that attempted to silence my desires.
Why is it important to subvert rules that I was never supposed to follow?
Every time I subvert a rule, I get to see more of who I am outside all the paradigms I was supposed to force myself into.
What are the new standards of human interaction that I want to see more of in the world?
I don’t see any option other than to witness the human being behind all the labels and identities and languages we’ve ascribed to in the attempt to express ourselves. The way I do that is by inquiring and being present with that human being and being willing to disappoint them along the way because I will say and do things that arise out of my own paradigms rather than in alignment with theirs.
What kind of business do I aspire to create?
The kind of business that does not subtract from our self expression but the kind of business that is the vehicle for expression and community building.
The kind of business that operates on not only the currency of money but also the currency of trust, truth, and humanity.
The kind of business that attempts to do the slow and gargantuan work of connecting with humans rather than fix them or convert them into dollar figures.
Why is it important to construct a new paradigm of business?
Every time we attempt to construct any new paradigm for anything, whether that is in business, marriage, war, or sex, we get to experiment new ways of relating to the human beings involved.
I want more humans to stop suffocating from feeling like they are not being seen. There is no taller order than to keep attempting to see and relate to the human being as they are, outside of all the assumptions that are made about them.
What am I willing to feel like shit for?
No matter what is going on in our lives, we will find something to feel like shit about. I want to feel upset in my countless attempts to love others that feel true to me. It is not interesting to me to feel upset about how much money I am making or how much status or social capital I have in society.
What does it mean to decolonize my business?
To me, decolonizing my business means building something that sits outside the capitalistic parameters that have restricted my expression and my community’s expression.
Some thoughts that came up for me over and over again:
The way I raise the standard of human interaction for me is by being fiercely clear about who I am and what I care about so that people can make independent and informed decisions around how they want to relate to me, if at all.
I am not available for anybody who I perceive as acting entitled to my time and body and thoughts. This is not just in business but also in the dating world. The way I do this in business helps me so the same in dating, and vice versa.
If I cannot get the resource of attention and validation from people I want approval from, I will find another place to get it from. Nobody is responsible for how I am resourceful around what I want and how I get after it.
When I show up to be an “activist,” I am not really an activist. I am simply a human being that cares about certain things. I want to be an example of one of the many ways human beings can exist and care about things.
Every day I find myself expanding my capacity to remain humble to others’ truths, even if it is disappointing to me, because honoring others’ truths allows me to honor my own truth as well.
I am increasingly intolerant of those who are refusing to acknowledge their privilege and think about how to use it to relate to other human beings. At the same time, I will always examine the way I fall short on that standard I hold for others.
Words will always fall short in the attempt to express our vastness, but all that means is that I will always be sharpening the craft of expressing myself in increasingly more accurate ways.
Business, to me, is no longer about making money. It is about being an example of my own unique truth so that those who resonate may walk with me in their truth. If I get to make money along the way, that is a privilege I am grateful for because it is simply another form of currency that people are willing to offer, in addition to trust, in order to walk with me.
I am willing to lose however many people if it means that I have remained faithful to my truth because I have nothing else except my truth. Without my truth, I don’t know who is showing up in my body.
I have no doubt that there are people who resonate with me at the cellular level, and they consist of the community I belong to. Some days are harder than others, but I don’t see myself stopping my attempts to show up in my truth so that I can keep building community that we each feel like we truly belong to.
I make decisions out of fear and out of love and sometimes both at the same time. I will inquire about my decisions as I witness the consequences of my decisions so that I may gather relevant information for future decisions.
I will never run out of things to share because I still feel very misunderstood, and it’s okay that feeling misunderstood is one of the drivers for sharing who I am.
Every experience I have as a human being is not only acceptable but actually essential.
How I felt during the month of October:
Guilty. Survivor’s guilt.
Dumb and ignorant for not knowing other people’s ethnic history.
Frustrated because I felt entitled to other people giving me the benefit of the doubt.
Miserable for feeling so dumb and privileged with everything that I get to have while there are thousands of people losing everything.
Silly for feeling feelings.
Panic for losing so many people (both parasocial and personal relationships) as a result of opening my mouth.
Disappointed in myself for not being able to be the resource my loved ones wanted, and also disappointed in others for not being able to be the resource that I wanted.
Joy because Dan and I strengthened our marriage with every passing day.
Euphoria for getting all the attention and validation beyond what I have ever fathomed.
Delightful because I am increasingly feeling genuinely beautiful inside and out with the help of my community.
Proud that I am honoring each of these human emotions faithfully without the need to erase or fix them or learn anything from them.
Conclusion: Whatever I am thinking and feeling naturally at the moment is what creates a business that feels the most true to me right now. I cherish my capacity to hold all of my humanity to create something only I can create.
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Holy shit, that was the most exciting “business report” I have ever written up in my entire life. It was made up entirely of words that interested me and no one else. What does it look like to decolonize one area of your life where you feel suffocated?
Find more of me at angela-han.com.